So you say you're feeling overwhelmed by this whole parenting thing? Your child is intense, strong-willed, has big emotions, and you are just hanging on? Or maybe they are slow to warm up and getting them to do anything new feels like a struggle... Wherever you are, it can feel isolating when everyone around you seems to have it so easy. And they're so full of advice, but it just doesn't work for your child. Welcome, friend. The Lifeline is my weekly-ish email for parents just like you. You are not alone, and you don't have to grit your teeth and just get through it. You can change the dynamic within your family. You can reclaim your life. One day at a time. One email at a time. I can't wait for you to join us.
"Mistakes happen"
|
Hello Reader, I'm sending you this email from a new email address - partneredpathparenting@gmail.com. You might want to add it to your contacts to make sure you're it doesn't go to your junk folder. But that's just housekeeping. The real reason I'm writing today is to share something that happened with my daughter recently and how we worked through it. It's a fantastic example of coaching and being coachable, and it illustrates exactly why I love what I do. These principles work for kids and adults. If we work together and you start making little changes like this, you'll soon have the experience you need to coach your kids in similar situations. There's a ripple effect. A compounding return. It's so cool. So, the story. My daughter came out of her karate class nearly in tears. She didn't want anyone to overhear us talking, so she waited until we got to the car to let me know that she was upset because she made not one, but THREE mistakes. At this juncture, she understands intellectually that everyone makes mistakes, but she doesn't appreciate them and she's so hard on herself. We sat together until she felt composed enough to move forward, but her composure began to unravel again at bedtime. I asked her, as I often do, if she needed me to help her figure this out, or if she just wanted me to listen. She said she wanted help, so I asked her, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much she believed that she shouldn't make mistakes. She said she was at about a 7. It's a thought that feels quite true to her. Then I asked her how much she believes that mistakes help us grow. She said 3 or 4. She knows, logically, that mistakes are important for growth. But - this is the key - the thought that she shouldn't make mistakes carries much more weight for her. Trying to reassure herself (or trying to reassure her on my end) by reminding her that mistakes are important and help us grow isn't going to work in this situation. With that information, I took it a step further. I asked her how much she believed the thought "mistakes happen." She said she was about a 9 on that one. We found a thought we could work with. So, I asked her to pause and focus on that thought and see if thinking that thought - on purpose - helped her feel better. It did. About a week later, she went back to class. The instructor had them do a similar drill, and she made a similar mistake. When she realized it, she gave me a look, and I had a feeling we were going to have a repeat of the week before. I was wrong. She came out smiling, then shrugged her shoulders and said, "mistakes happen." In the car, she told me that at first she was upset, but then she told herself that mistakes happen, and it helped her move on. Coaching for the win! This is the process. This is the work we do together. And when you understand how it works for you, you can start to teach your kids, too. Your partner in parenting, Julia McGarey PS I have limited space for new clients these days. If you would like to explore how coaching together can help you navigate the challenges you're facing with your own kids, schedule your consultation here. |
The Lifeline
So you say you're feeling overwhelmed by this whole parenting thing? Your child is intense, strong-willed, has big emotions, and you are just hanging on? Or maybe they are slow to warm up and getting them to do anything new feels like a struggle... Wherever you are, it can feel isolating when everyone around you seems to have it so easy. And they're so full of advice, but it just doesn't work for your child. Welcome, friend. The Lifeline is my weekly-ish email for parents just like you. You are not alone, and you don't have to grit your teeth and just get through it. You can change the dynamic within your family. You can reclaim your life. One day at a time. One email at a time. I can't wait for you to join us.
We have had a few weeks full of life, y'all. This photo was taken a few weeks ago in the waiting room at the hospital. My husband had major surgery — it was a long day, but he came home a few days later, and we were so relieved. Once he was home, he needed a lot of help. That made it hard to flow with our regular homeschool routine, so we decided to slow down and just focus on getting through it. And honestly? Sometimes that's the most important thing we can do for our kids -- slow down....
Hello Reader, Can we take a moment to breathe together? (Inhale, exhale). There's a LOT happening in the world right now. Actually, it's been quite an eventful year. There's been a lot to process. And that's just on the national and global stage. I've found it difficult to write about parenting and kids, honestly, because there is so much happening beyond the walls of our homes, and because sometimes the most impactful thing we can do is narrow our focus to our own communities, our own...
Hello Reader, We've all been there. You made the plans. They know the plans (although, it's debatable whether or not they're fully on board). The time comes to execute the plan, and they're giving you a full-bodied no. They won't go, and now they're in full-blown meltdown mode, crying on the floor or curled into themselves under a blanket. What can you do? Most parents have one of two reactions: Are you kidding me?! Faced with a sudden meltdown, they feel blind-sided. They had a plan and...